So I’ve been getting lots of emails and messages asking “how” and “if” one should divulge his/her “desires” to their significant other. After hearing many stories with positive and negative outcomes, I’ve decided to write about my experiences in having a fetish and being exposed to an alternative lifestyle.
First of all, what is a fetish? Most people misconceive and automatically assume that one is involved in some dark sexual taboo. However, what society can’t fathom or understand does not make us abnormal. I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with you. We just have a strong appetite for something different. I do have to clarify that there are certain activities I do not condone such as harming children or violating a human’s natural rights etc. But I’m not going to go into that since it’s off topic.
Anyway, I believe in order to have a happy and healthy relationship, you should tell you partner about your “fetish”. Essentially, it is an instinct and somewhat of an obsession that is chemically linked in our brain to turn us on. To many this is still a gray area. But to me, having lived through this at a very young age, it is something that I can not change about myself.
So here we go. How do you tell someone about this? I’ve always found that you should do so cautiously with subtle hints and LOTS of complements (hehe). I say this because you need to be aware of how hard to press the matter before they become repelled by it. So pay attention to their facial expressions or gestures when you make certain comments pertaining to this issue. You want to always make whatever your desire may be, seen in a positive light to the other. Don’t make it such a serious matter. It’s always better to approach them when they’re in a good mood. Sometimes depending on your fetish, it may take some planning. For example, those with shoe fetishes, make it a priority to really compliment your partner when they wear a pair of heels that you like, but be sincere about it. We can see through the bullshit. Or better yet, buy them some shoes that you find sexy and when they wear them, keep telling them how great they look. You want to build their self esteem and make them feel comfortable. When we feel confident about ourselves, it’s easier to accept what others throw at us. When they recognize and see how aroused you get because of them, it makes both parties happy. Generally, because it was a positive trigger, they will accept and perhaps accommodate your fetish.
In the beginning of my most recent relationship, we both had no idea about the other person’s sexual urges. I remember bringing home a pair of Patent leather Charles David pumps and my partner coming into the bedroom while I was trying them on naked. I could see in the reflection, him eyeing my shoes in a different manner, so I stood there and coyly played with my heels a bit to see his reaction. As I slipped my pumps on and off and dug the heel into the carpet, I could see his excitement. So I asked him if he liked my new shoes. In a puppy like fashion, he nodded his head and told me how erotic they were. This pleased me quite a bit. I was intrigued and wanted to see how aroused he really was so I pulled him towards me and shoved my body against him. I’ve never felt him like this. Immediately, because he was so turned on, I felt myself getting heated and moist as well. Seeing how we were both wanting more, I indulged him. My sadistic nature took over me as I shoved him into bed and forced my leather toe in his mouth. To sum things up, it was a great evening.
After that instance, I never felt so much relief. We had both allowed ourselves to be vulnerable and exposed to the other and it turned out to be one of my better experiences. It was now much easier to communicate to each other our needs in bed.
I understand that for some fetishes, it may not be so easy. So I can only emphasize to you, the need for communication (and of course flattery always helps). It’s always difficult to have to suppress you inner desire and pretend that it doesn’t exist. No one likes to fake it. Personally, I think intimacy is an orgasm and sex is love.
I’d have to say that I was fortunate enough to have been with people that were willing to appease me. At the end of the day, I strongly believe if your partner can not accept you and your needs, as hard as it may be, it is better to go your separate ways. It would have been miserable for the both of you to try to be someone that you’re not. This would only cause bitterness and hate. When it comes to this type of issue, you really have to find someone that you can be comfortable and compatible with.
Finally I have to offer forewarning, that although it is a large weight lifted, once your fetish is exposed, to force and pester the matter on someone will cause them to despise you and what was once a pleasant experience. I’ve always found it to be a huge turn off when my partner would make sarcastic comments or insist I do certain things. Like I said before, you want your fetish to be a positive happening for all participating parties.
Here is my last story for the day of what happened when I exposed my fetish to my then girlfriend:
The first time I told my girlfriend that I enjoyed being wet (wetlook), tied up, dominated and submitted, I was rather afraid she would find it strange. So after a night of drinking, I mustered up the courage to say something while we were fondling around in bed still in our clubbing outfits. I recall whispering to her that I wanted to tie her to our bed posts while I went down on her sweet spot. I am usually the aggressor in our relationship so I assumed it was normal for me to have her submit. To my surprise, perhaps from the alcohol induced courage, she snarled “no…it’s your turn”. With an evil grin, she roughly pulled my hair and forced me to the bottom while she maneuvered herself on top. She then grabbed my hands and shoved them above my head. “Don’t you dare…flinch” she hissed. With her tight mini dress hiked up and underwear exposed, she moved her body up and straddled my breasts. As she reached for my pillow, she purposefully pressed her wet panties against my mouth. She pulled off the pillowcase and tied my wrists together. At this point I was so hot and bothered, I was begging for her fingers to be inside of me. But again she ignored me and continued to please herself on my lips. Her juices had completely seeped through her lace thong. The moisture was collecting on my mouth and face. I just wanted her to ravage me so badly. My thighs were beginning to sweat as I yearned to spread open my legs and touch myself. But I couldn’t. I tried to distract myself and asked her for water. She stopped, glared at me and laughed as she plucked the bottled water from our night stand. She moved next to me and told me to open my mouth. Kindly she poured it into my mouth. I watched her demeanor change as she then dumped the rest of the bottle over my face and dress. She grabbed my neck and kissed me, shoving her tongue down my throat.
As our bodies pulsated together she reached her hand down and pulled my soaked panties aside. She shoved her finger in me. I let out a loud moan as she went deeper. I asked her to slow down as I was on the verge of cumming. So she bit my lip and only went faster…faster until I was forced to orgasm. I replay this night in my head often as it is a memory that always gets me off.
Well, I hope this post gave you better insight on how to communicate your fetish with your partner. And if you haven’t found someone to share this with, I hope that eventually you can find someone who understands and reciprocates your desires.
Until then….
xoxo:
Alexis